Some fic highlights this month were unknown number, Super Straight Broz (Live), Barbe-Q&A, and Ilya Rozanov’s Goodreads Reviews. The Lily & Jane Forever series is also worth a mention, each fic is only a few hundred words, so very quick to read, but I had a lot of fun reading them.
I’m only six chapters into Super Straight Broz (Live), things with that fic and author seem to have taken a problematic turn so I might not be revisiting. Pity but there are so many fics out there, I think it’s best that I find unproblematic ones. 🙈
Fics read in June: 60
Words read in June: 402,107
Approx. pages read in June: 1,256
Head of the WAGs by Selective_attention
The group chat elects a new Head of the WAGs
Harris
Good morning, RozIlyusha 🩵
Hello, traitor.
Words: 1,693
Shane sees his ex at a cafe and texts what he thinks it’s a dud number to look busy, little does he know it belongs to Ilya. Shane uses the thread to use as a reminder for stuff he has to do. Ilya enjoys reading what this mysterious man does until he gets a text at 3am.
Words: 88
Bring Your Son to Work Day by 12HyperFixation21
David asks Ilya to Bring Your Son to Work Day
Words: 11,321
Why Do You Care So Much Whose Dick I Ride? by ChaoticRussian2481
“I didn’t come out today because I owe anyone an explanation. I came out because I refuse to let the man I love stand alone while the world decides his worth. We’ve spent years hiding and even denying our feelings for one another because we were afraid of what people would say. We thought we were protecting each other. That ends today. I’m done caring about anyone except me and him.”
*******
A leaked photo leaves Ilya exposed, and the league wastes no time deciding what to do with him.
Ilya is willing to lose everything if it means Shane gets to keep his career.
Shane takes exactly one look at the world trying to shame the man he loves and decides that if Ilya’s name is going to be in every headline, his will be too.
The only thing more dangerous than outing Ilya is giving Shane a reason to fight.
Words: 14,434
allied forces by UglyGreenJacket
Troy: Uh, guys.
Troy: I just saw something I don’t think I was supposed to see.
Bood: Seriously, Barrett?
Bood: I told you to be careful on those porn sites.
Hazy: 👀
Troy: No!
Troy: Fuck.
Troy: NO.
Troy: I went to the hospital to see Roz.
Dykstra: Wait, didn’t he say for us to not visit?
Dykstra: That he was totally fine and would be home tomorrow?
Troy: Well, yeah, but I didn’t think that meant ME.
Bood: I’m pretty sure that was exclusively for you.
Haas: How was he?
Haas: Did he look okay?
Haas: Do you think he’s going to be alright?
Troy: Uh, yeah.
Troy: I think he’s going to be fine.
Troy: Because Shane Hollander was lying in the hospital bed with him.
Words: 2,977
the accidental wingman by inarosaurus
Marley: maybe he’ll reach out to you again
Marley: i’m optimistic!! 💪
Marley: roz?
Marley: hello?
Marley: did i say something wrong?
Roz: how do you know?
Marley: know what?
Roz: that jane is a man?
Marley: what?
In October 2016, Cliff Marlow accidentally becomes the keeper of the biggest secret in the Hockey world. All because of a typo.
Words: 3,694
r/wasianasshole by leaveittome
r/wasianasshole
Description: You tell us a story where you might be coming across as an asshole. The rest of the sub chimes in to comment on it.
Replies:
u/Ilya_Rozanov
Where is the Wasian Asshole.
Words: 608
Super Straight Broz (Live) by Stickyslut17
Ilya and Shane are broke roommates, until Ilya discovers streaming and starts making bank jerking off for the viewers
Naturally, he offers his good friend Shane a chance at making money the same way
And if they touch each other a little it’s only because of the tips, not because they are into each other
~~~~~~
Shane and Ilya are both completely straight here
#ISwearrr
Words: 70,000
In their first summer after being outed, Shane finally accepts that invite to Bood’s backyard barbecue. It could have been a relaxing night. But Ilya’s brought vodka. And the Centaurs brought questions. Might as well rip off the band aid before he signs with Ottawa.
Or
How many shots is it worth to know what your Captain likes in bed?
Words: 7,761
Well over a decade after retirement the public knows Ilya as the picture perfect devoted husband and father. When he’s announced as a presenter and commentator for the Olympics as hosted by Toronto one online joke reminds the general public how fucking insane he used to be. Everyone under 35 struggles to square the Ilya Rozanov-Hollander they know today with Ilya Rozanov of the 2010s, fuckboy supreme.
Words: 3,453
Shane Hollander ✅ @shanehollanderofficial
I’ve seen many publications over the years speculating on my own, and my husband’s, hockey stats and accolades in relation to our romantic relationship and when the public assumes it started.
We don’t owe this to anyone. But we’ve also been playing professional hockey for seventeen years and we’ve both run out of ahem, cares to give.
On the right is a photograph from the behind the scenes of our joint CCM advertisement in July of 2010. This photo predates the hundreds of combined accomplishments listed on the left.
Oh, and it was also taken about six hours before our first kiss.
—–
or; a year from retirement and out of fucks to give, shane reveals their timeline to twitter in response to the latest speculatory article on their relationship. hollanovs across the world rejoice, centaurs celebrate their beloved dads, and former teammates share the not-so-subtle clues they missed the first time.
Words: 5,854
A Tomato by Every Other Name by rousse_aux_yeux_verts
What begins as a sweet nickname quickly becomes a Russian language crisis involving affectionate suffixes, grammatical gender, tomato-based endearments, and an increasingly alarmed Shane trying to figure out the rules before Ilya can invent three more
Words: 5,689
Drawing Conclusions by halfbaked_ziti
When Ilya tells Cliff that “Montreal Jane” is Shane Hollander, Cliff thinks he finally has a sense of what’s really going on.
Ilya thinks Cliff probably needs to get his head checked.
Words: 6,898
While they were scribbling their lists down, Shane intermittently looked up from his own writing to see if he could gauge how far Ilya had gotten in his list. He couldn’t tell but he caught Ilya smiling to himself several times. This was going to be either the sweetest thing he’s ever heard or Ilya Rozanov’s complete chaos manifesto of all the reasons he loves Shane Hollander. He was excited to hear either version.
“Okay, I’m done,” Ilya announced, capping his pen and closing his notebook. He looked toward Shane who was still deep in thought.
“Why are you still writing? There’s a million reasons to love me, pick 10 and write.”
Shane and Ilya make lists of ten things they love about each other.
Words: 2,833
Tactical Advantage by unlikelychild
Shane: Hi. This is Shane Hollander.
Lily: ???
Shane: From the bar? You left me your number.
Shane: This is Lily right?
Lily: Sure.
Lily: Hello Shane.
Shane: Hi.
Words: 20,576
HOLLANDER ROZANOV_WEDDING_VOWS_FINAL.TRANSCRIPT_v5.pdf by cheeroknotcheerok
[VIDEO DESCRIPTION: Video cuts to a close up of Shane. Tears falling from his eyes. Ilya’s right hand comes into frame and wipes away the tears from Shane’s cheek and then Ilya cradles Shane’s face in both his hands.]
ILYA: (Russian) Ty i ya? Vmesto togo chtoby podavit’ menya, zadushiv svoim prisutstviyem i svetom, my stali odnim derevom — vmesto dvukh. (English: You and me? Instead of overtaking and suffocating me out of existence with your presence and light, we became one tree instead of two.)
I love you Shane Hollander, my best friend – never my rival, yes? And we are better, together.
(Pause)
[VIDEO DESCRIPTION: Video cuts to a close up of Ilya over Shane’s shoulder as he pulls away and surreptitiously wipes tears from his own eyes.]
ILYA: So there is formal part I think here now, yes?
– OR –
Svetlana and Rose record Shane and Ilya’s wedding because they did not hire a professional videographer. This is the audio and visual transcript of that video.
Words: 3,458
April Fool’s Day Payback by IlyaMeowzanovsMom81
Ilya decides to play an April fools prank by telling everyone in the group chat he is going to retire. This backfires on him when Shane decides to get even.
Words: 2,301
“This is Ilya. Rozanov,” Shane tells the nurse, maybe a little bit louder than necessary. “He’s my teammate. Not anything else.”
Ilya frowns again. His husband is acting very strangely.
“Sure, Mr. Hollander,” the nurse says, giving Ilya a wink. “Don’t worry. Your secret is safe with me.”
–
Shane gets some dental work done and forgets he and Ilya are already out. He tries to convince everyone they’re not actually married. He does a pretty terrible job.
Words: 5,585
The Real Scoop (It’s always the quiet ones) by Itsallfine
Post-game press goes off the rails when a reporter confronts Shane about a new TMZ article: MLH Star Shane Hollander Has a Secret Girlfriend—And He Treats Her Like This?
Shane’s texts had been leaked. They’d figured out he was dating Lily, and that the way he talked to her was… rough. They’d figured out he liked to get fucked. But they’d come to the completely wrong conclusions.
They thought Shane Hollander was a secret misogynist who got pegged by his girlfriend.
Words: 1,601
i’m 47 and AFRAID of ilya rozanov by persimmon_tea
Ilya Rozanov and Troy Barrett are photographed leaving Scott Hunter’s gay bar. Social media decides this must mean… they’re homophobic?
Words: 4,706
#FREELILY (shane hollander vs hockeytwitter) by persimmon_tea
caoilfhionn✨@hollanderbackgirl
Replying to @shanehollandersthong
bro if I had a nickel every time shane hollander was cancelled online because his weird ass texts with lily were leaked i’d have two nickels which isn’t a lot but it’s weird that it happened twice
Shane Hollander likes to think he keeps his image pretty clean. Social media loves finding reasons to disagree.
Words: 6,537
#shanehollanderisoverparty by mochae
some of the leaked text messages that almost cost Shane’s career and the internet reaction
ps: reading part one of this series aka Leaked is necessary for context.
Words: 1,027
Shane’s biggest nightmare came true in a way that he could never predict. After losing his phone, his messages with Ilya became public. Everyone would find out he is gay, that he’s dating his enemy. But it wasn’t his messages with Ilya that became public, it was with Lily. And no one was talking about Shane being gay. They’re talking about how misogynistic he is.
Words: 2,601
Ilya has spent years building a life far away from the one he left behind. But some dates are impossible to ignore, some memories refuse to stay buried, and some wounds are older than he wants to admit. When the past finds its way into the quiet of a winter morning, Shane is there to remind him that he doesn’t have to face it alone.
Words: 2,261
#shanehollanderisoverparty by buckbothered
BREAKING: #ShaneHollander, hockey superstar and ex-boyfriend of actress #RoseLandry, has been caught red-handed sending misogynistic texts to what appears to be his girlfriend. Get all the details HERE: http://bit.ly/34781296
or; the one where shane’s texts to “lily” get leaked and the internet explodes because everyone now thinks shane hollander is an asshole to his girlfriend.
Words: 5,334
Abolish private property by fonduebroski314 (anon_carrots)
Haley
Hi Shane! Just messaging about our heater again. Do you think we could get it fixed today?
Shane
So sorry for the late reply, Haley! I’m at the Olympics and my time zones are all messed up. Messaged my HVAC guy and he’ll be there in the morning.
Haley
screenshot.jpg
Wtf?
Katie
Is this guy fr???
Or: the trials and tribulations of renting from Shane Hollander.
Words: 10,560
Ilya has noticed Hollander’s beautiful flower tattoos. He seems to have a new one every time they see each other. But why has Canada’s Golden Boy chosen to get tattoos, and what do they mean?
Words: 3,279
Ilya Rozanov’s Goodreads Reviews by Promised_ivy
Several MLH players have their phones hacked.
Most people find embarrassing photos.
Ilya Rozanov accidentally leaks five years’ worth of sex reviews.
–
You know that TikTok trend where people rate how good the sex was in front of their partner?
Yeah. It’s that.
Words: 13,066
Shane and Ilya’s Trading Cards Take Over The Internet by Countessofhogwarts
The Ottawa Centaurs are Stanley Cup champions for 2022, and they announce new trading cards for their captain, Ilya Rozanov, and alternate captain, Shane Hollander. This leads fans to post about their old trading cards, and they realise both the players’ trading cards were referring to one another
This leads to the Twitterverse going into a timeline debate on Hollanov
So what is the true story behind the card quotes? #HollanovLore
Words: 8,441
Oh, What a Thing to be Seen by Verdant_Words
Ilya is stuck on the floor, staring at his phone, because no one knows to text him that Shane, his heart, is okay after getting hit on the ice. Ilya wants to scream, he wants to beat Cliff Marleau up, he wants to melt into the carpet and become part of the hotel room if he can’t have Shane.
or
Ilya is waiting for news on Shane and ends up coming out to Cliff Marleau
Words: 2,516
The Hayden Pike App by shaneyp1e
@shanesfreckles
hey… has anyone seen that hayden pike has created an entire app where he just posts pictures of himself?? and nobody else can post anything?? am I going crazy??
✎﹏﹏﹏﹏
Hayden Pike has an app just for his 3 fans
Words: 2,073
The Rise of Shayden by shaneyp1e
@shanesfreckles
Ever since Hayden Pike created that stupid app all my socials have been filled with Shayden shippers. This is literally my worst nightmare.
✎﹏﹏﹏﹏
After a YouTube video about The Hayden Pike App goes viral, hockeytwt is swarmed by a wave of new fans who seem to be obsessed with their new favourite gay ship, Shayden.
Words: 9,604
Rinse and Repent by ghostromanoff
Shane is mad at Ilya, and as usual, Ilya makes it everyone else problem.
Words: 643
Shane and Ilya have to go to one of their yearly galas for the Irina Foundation, and really how is Shane supposed to resist his husband when he looks like that in his suit?
Words: 217
Down Bad At The Grocery Store by ghostromanoff
Adventures in trying to make sure you get the specific brand of cottage cheese your husband likes.
Words: 203
Ilya spends some time at the Ottawa Humane Society and wants to adopt every single dog.
Words: 324
Stay At Home Ilya by ghostromanoff
Ilya is injured and bored at home while his husband and team play an away game. Surely there’s something to keep him busy.
Words: 374
Can You Fight? by ghostromanoff
Ilya reacts very normally to Shane’s new photoshoot.
Words: 975
Twitter Users vs Ilya Rozanov by ghostromanoff
Somebody please take Ilya’s twitter away, Harris is begging.
Words: 942
To Have and To Tweet by ghostromanoff
Twitter wishes the married couple a happy anniversary!
Words: 567
Who’s Hickey Is That? by ghostromanoff
Ilya has a hickey and the internet is convinced he’s cheating on Shane. (He’s not)
Words: 604
Shane Hollander Is Online by ghostromanoff
Shane Hollander does his first twitter Q&A.
Words: 728
Tweet Responsibly by ghostromanoff
The Cens go out to celebrate a win, and absolutely nothing goes wrong.
Words: 683
Shane hides an injury from Ilya.
Words: 413
You’re An All Star by ghostromanoff
Shane and Ilya redo All-Stars
Words: 596
@shanehollander24 replied to @realrozanov by lavender1001
“Okay,” Farah began, “We can announce your relationship in two ways. We can hard launch it, like ripping off a bandaid. Or we…soft launch. Slowly. Very slowly. Give people time to wrap their heads around the idea, so that by the time you guys announce your relationship, most people will be expecting it.”
Later that week, Shane Hollander @shanehollander24 posted: Great game tonight @realrozanov but don’t get your hopes up when Montreal’s in town.
Thirty seconds later, Milly @shaydenforever replied: i’m screaming not my baby shane’s first post in a year being a chirp keep the PR friendship alive
Thuy @hollanderposting: I just know his momager yuna (affectionate) put a gun to his head and said “if you really cared about your charity getting donations you’d be more active on social media” and you know what. God bless. 🙏
Or, a social media fic in a world where Shane and Ilya didn’t get outed and instead decided to soft launch their relationship
Words: 8,050
worth the weight by PenAndInkPrincess
“Hi,” Ilya says, his attempt at making his voice a purr lost to how fucking happy he is, to have this, to see Shane Hollander in a way no one else ever gets to. He crosses the room and kneels over him, pulling him up into a kiss that Shane gives him easily, making a sweet, soft noise that makes Ilya want to bite him with how cute it is. Instead, he gets a handful of the edge of the soft, fuzzy blanket to whip it off of Shane and replace it with his own body-
-only to be stopped when the blanket turns out to be far, far fucking heavier than he anticipated, pulling him up short when his attempt at a flick ends with barely moving the edge before it flops back down with audible weight.
(ilya versus shane’s weighted blanket)
Words: 8,155
Shane Hollander and Ilya Rozanov agree to an exclusive photoshoot and interview with ICON magazine. Four setups. One boundary document. A rented house in Westboro Village, a photographer who stops directing halfway through, and an interviewer who asks the right questions.
Words: 20,125
Shipping up in Boston by angel_deux
Shane is traded to Boston during the hookup era, and his attempts to act normal and professional around Rozanov are a little too successful: fans start shipping him with Marleau, instead.
Words: 33,727
no one’s ever had me, not like you by hollidayparty
“Look, I know I’m boring. And lame and… weird. I just… can you not say it? Every time? Or at least not every ten seconds.”
And suddenly Ilya saw the way Shane was trying to fold in on himself. Like he wanted to hide the parts of his life he had just let Ilya see. Now it looked like he regretted letting Ilya in. Or he expected him to laugh. Or leave.
He crossed the room.
“Shane.”
Shane shook his head once.
“I’m sorry. Forget it.”
“No,” Ilya said gently, crouching in front of him. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it like that. I was teasing. I didn’t realize.” He paused, then said more firmly, “you’re not boring.”
Shane scoffed under his breath.
“I mean it,” Ilya said, ducking his head to try to catch his eye. “You’re the most specific person I’ve ever met. It’s fascinating. I love the way your brain works. And the way this house feels like you.”
—————-
A fluffy/smutty one shot set some time between Tampa and Boston in 2017 where Shane invites Ilya to spend the weekend with him in Montreal.
Words: 4,631
Out of the Chat by Selective_attention
The first time Shane meets the WAGS in person.
Cassie
ShaaaaaaaneSelena
Someone call Ilya – get this man out of the kitchenShane
He’s walking Anya right now so 😋
See you all tonight 👋
Words: 3,196
You give me fever by Selective_attention
Ilyusha 🩵
Would you like to enlist the Hollander-Rozanov babysitting service for a date night?
We have references!
Caitlin
Shane cleaned my kitchen, girl. Take them up on it!
Words: 2,145
Heyyy @shanehollander24 by fffpppp
Shane Hollander comes out. Half the league shoot their shot online.
Words: 2,684
Ilya Hollander-Rozanov vs ESPN by warblerweisman
A dozen different ideas crossed Shane’s mind for what Ilya could be showing him when he said that one of the world’s biggest sports journalism hubs was being homophobic.
A hit piece about Ottawa? Something targeting either of them specifically? Something blaming Scott Hunter for making hockey gay?
However what he wasn’t expecting was 15 Cutest Athlete Couples Just in Time for V-Day.
Words: 8,776
truth will out by UglyGreenJacket
[Ilya Rozanov and Shane Hollander sit together in a sterile interrogation room. There’s a height chart on the wall behind them, and a harsh light hangs overhead. Next to them on the table is a polygraph machine.]
Producer: Ilya Rozanov and Shane Hollander.
Shane: Yes.
Ilya: Yes, those are our names. See how truthful I’m already being?
Shane: You’re not even hooked up to anything yet.
Ilya: I’m just establishing how honest I am before we start.
Producer: Well, that’s good because you’re both here to take a lie detector test. The way this works is that one of you will be hooked up to the machine while the other asks questions, and then you’ll switch. Judd [the camera switches to show a man with glasses and stark white hair sitting at the polygraph machine] will be reading your results in real time. Shane, you’ll go first.
Shane: Goody.
Words: 2,801
They don’t know about us by avid_reader64
When in the 20/21 season Shane is forced to come out, Ilya is not far behind him.
Twitter sees this as a chance to get the two rivals together, with help from their teammates.
Except they’re already in a relationship, unbeknownst to everyone.
(Hayden already knows like in the original timeline)
Words: 5,206
Twelve Years, Still Ours by leialoo7
Twelve years after filming their first CCM ad together, Shane Hollander and Ilya Rozanov are asked to return for a follow-up campaign. The offer sparks reflection and conversation about privacy, visibility, and what it means to exist openly as a married couple in the NHL.
—
“Okay,” Farah said, brightly. “So. CCM reached out.”
Shane straightened instinctively. He and Ilya were both sponsored by CCM, they had been for years. Would CCM pull their sponsorships now that they were publicly out? Would they only want to keep working with one of them now that they were married and would be playing on the Centaurs together this season?
“They want you two for a new ad campaign,” she continued, eyes sparkling. “A twelve-year retrospective referencing the one you shot together the summer before your rookie year.”
Words: 7,600
kiss me like a final meal by blueberrryink
Everybody else on earth was born with a manual on How to Be. A sort of silver spoon already tucked into their mouth.
Shane wishes he had gotten one.
After an exhausting day of masking and overstimulation, Shane has a panic attack. He loses the ability to speak. Thankfully, Ilya is there to help him through.
Words: 8,282
love has a quiet voice (now i’m yours to choose) by hope27
After Tampa, Ilya is excited to see Shane again. Only in the locker room before the game, the news breaks that Shane isn’t playing. And even worse, he’s at the hospital.
Original Threads fic idea post:
“Hollander is what?”
“He’s out, Roz.”
“What?”
“He’s not playing tonight.”
“That’s not possible.”
“Well, it’s happening.”
Lily: you are not playing?
Lily: are you ok?
Lily: Hollander?
Lily: Shane, please.
“Roz… He’s in the hospital.”
*Phone rings*
“Jane”
Words: 31,039
Ten Easy Steps to Being a Good Boyfriend by Promised_ivy
After the cottage, Shane panic-googles how to be a good boyfriend and follows every step.
Ilya becomes increasingly convinced Shane is about to break up with him.
Words: 5,700
mindforbooks.ie 