It’s weird because it felt like I didn’t read a huge amount of fanfic this month, but when writing this blog I realised I actually read a lot more than I thought. I mean it’s a lot less than some month but I felt like I only read a few! June was weird.
Some highlights were Concussion Protocol and it’s sequel, Black Dog, and Shane Hollander is dating a nice man from Montreal.
Just to flag, there is yet more discord happening in the HR fanfic space, this time a bunch of weirdos have started a witch hunt over what they precisive to be AI in fics, I’ve tried to not get too deep into the whole thing because I honestly find people who attack the fandom, and the people involved in the show, to be ever so tiresome, and I refuse to let them take up much of my headspace. But what I gather here is that they’ve identified potential use of AI by feeding fics into AI! I mean this shit is so dumb I can’t even wrap my head around it, especially because it’s well known that ao3 was scraped by AI. Anyways, all this is to say that if any of these fics sound good to you, I suggest you download them because I foresee another round of authors, who provide their art for free, getting sick of everyone’s shit and deleting their work! I honestly don’t blame them, these people are exhausting!!
Fics read in June: 36
Words read in June: 595,306
Approx. pages read in June: 1,984
As a straight man, Ilya Rozanov has never had a gay roommate before, but it’s going pretty well. Shane Hollander is kind, silly, and an even bigger hockey nut than Ilya.
So when Shane starts bringing men over, and Ilya begins to want to bash their fucking heads in, Ilya comes to a startling conclusion: He must be homophobic.
(He’s jealous.)
Words: 40,186
How the Ottawa Centaurs Accidentally Learned Everything by Barbidoo
Nobody in the Ottawa Centaurs locker room thinks much of the messages constantly arriving on their captain’s phone.
After all “Jane” texts Ilya Rozanov all the time.
But when Jane starts calling over and over again, the team decides to answer.
What they hear changes everything.
A panicked Shane Hollander is on the other end of the line, desperately searching for a missing dog.
Within minutes, the NHL’s biggest secret is out, ten years of hidden history come to light, and an entire hockey team finds itself racing across a city park looking for a runaway dog named Anya.
Words: 3,345
The Unexpected Boons of Impromptu Dog-sitting by unlikelychild
Shane: Is this Ilya Rozanov?
Unknown number: no
Shane: Oh, but the dog collar had this number.
Unknown Number: What? What dog collar? What are you talking about?
Shane: I’m Shane Hollander.
Shane: I have your dog.
Unknown Number: Is this ransom threat?
Unknown Number: Did you kidnap my dog?
Words: 7,626
Nobody Fucks With Yuna by MightyFeisty
Ilya has a dinner meeting with the VP of Marketing for a potential brand deal. The guy has some unflattering comments to say about Yuna.
Ilya does not take it well.
Words: 5,554
Help, I’m alive by Amiera for DoubleApple
“Let me do everything.” Shane slowly helped Ilya out of his clothes.
Shane kneeled beside the tub, grabbed a wet cloth, and carefully washed Ilya’s arms. There was no rush; only the soft sound of the water surrounded them.
“Shane.” Ilya pulled away slightly. “You shouldn’t be doing this.”
“I want to.” Shane desperately wanted to make Ilya feel better. He wanted to erase the shame he knew Ilya felt for needing help. To show him that it was okay not to be okay. That he was still deserving of love no matter what.
Or, Shane is there for Ilya during a depressive episode
Words: 3,511
Shane and Ilya: The Real Story by Verdant_Words
Shane and Ilya decide that it’s time to come out, so they film a whole documentary.
Words: 3,665
Hayden Pike and his close personal friend Ilya Rozanov by stargazingstormtrooper92
“All I’m saying is that I’m grateful that you’re trusting him with Jackie and the kids. I know they’re your entire life but he is mine and there is really no better person than him to do so.”
Well shit, Hayden is now going to cry.
“You can’t say things like that bud. I’ll start crying and I can’t call Jackie to vent out about it.”
“You can vent about it with me?” Shane kicks Hayden’s sneaker with the tip of his own.
“Yes. Yes I can.”
***
Or: Hayden tries to get to know Ilya better for the sake of his best friend. What he didn’t expect was finding out the soft and mushy side of Ilya underneath all that harsh exterior. Hayden and Jackie are 👑 Hayden is really trying and Pike kids adore their Uncle Ilya 💕
Words: 5,748
March 2020: Ilya feels suddenly lighter at the possibility of a canceled hockey season.
He forgot his boyfriend is certifiable.
Words: 21,609
The MILF Theory (And Why the Internet Got It Wrong) by pucksandpower
The internet has decided that Ilya Rozanov is absolutely, definitely, 100% banging a Hollander.
They’ve got photo evidence. Multiple sightings. Instagram stories from the same café. The man stayed OVERNIGHT at the Hollander residence.
It’s the most legendary power move in NHL history: seduce your rival’s hot mom to assert dominance. There’s just one tiny problem with this theory. Ilya’s fucking a Hollander, all right. Just … not that one.
Or in which Ilya’s boyfriend’s mother keeps adopting him, the internet keeps assuming the worst, and Shane Hollander is having the worst month of his entire life. At least until he does something that breaks hockey forever.
Words: 13,813
Ilya R. has unmatched by rainchance
Shane is trying to find love in the big city. Unfortunately, he keeps matching with the same guy, and getting ghosted, over and over.
Words: 5,264
Shane and Ilya have a hard time keeping it professional, and Bood is done with their shit.
Enter the PDA Jar.
Every time the team catches Shane and Ilya in a public display of affection, they have to pay a fine.
Words: 8,169
last one to leave the bleachers every time by Anonymous
They’d considered it—Shane being gay. It’d been an option. But Ilya Rozanov and the way Shane looks at him like he’s the love of his life has blindsided them. Blindsided both of them, and there’s almost nothing Yuna likes less than being blindsided.
She’s not mad, David wants to say. We’re so proud of you. We’re so happy for you. We just didn’t know.
Somehow we missed it, you falling in love.
or, what David Hollander and Ilya Rozanov talk about while Shane and Yuna are outside in episode six.
Words: 4,585
Oh no I’ve said too much, I haven’t said enough by lc2l
Ilya sits down carefully and takes Shane’s hand. “I am going to ask you something, and I want you to try not to freak out, okay? Take a breath, think about it.”
That sounds… serious.
“The Centaurs are having a barbeque,” Ilya says. “I would like to go, and I would like you to come with me.”
Shane meets the Centaurs. As Ilya’s close personal friend slash charity partner from Canada.
Words: 9,188
Flu Season by dangerouscoffeetheorist
Yuna is plan B, it dawns on Troy. When Shane realised he couldn’t do anything, he called his Mom.
Weiber grunts. “You know your son is in New York doing some promo thing he couldn’t get out of, apparently, instead of practice.” His tone indicates that he doesn’t really care though.
“Of course. I organised it.” Yuna snorts. “But I’m here for my favourite son.”
-/-/-/-/-/-
Ilya is sick. None of the Centaurs really know what to do. Thank god for Mama Hollander.
Words: 8,448
Ilya is not going to steal Shane Hollander’s dog. That would be illegal. And wrong. And someone would probably find out and make Ilya give him back.
So. Not stealing.
But there is nothing wrong with giving Chernysh all the pats and treats that he deserves, is there?
Nothing wrong with encouraging Chernysh to spend more and more time at Ilya’s house until he doesn’t even remember who Hollander is.
Because Hollander is stupid and boring and does not deserve a dog as good as Chernysh. No, he doesn’t, does he? Because Chernysh is the best boy in the whole world, yes he is.
Words: 68,349
Ottawa Centaurs – The Mockumentary by LunarMoonstone
‘This is what happens when the social media manager for the Ottawa Centaurs just finished rewatching the entirety of The Office for the 3rd time’
“What a fucking nerd,” Ilya laughed, his eyes following Shane across the ice. The camera swung between them before eventually landing back on Ilya.
“I want to eat him,”
Luca blinked at him, horror slowly etching onto his face.
“Like…sexually or…literally?
Behind the camera, Harris cleared his throat to remind them of his presence. Ilya’s eyes never left Shane, who was still berating Troy by citing some charts from his clipboard.
“Yes,”
Haas looked into the camera in utter fear.
Alternatively, The Office Fic
Words: 39,725
Cancelled Flight Home by vlademetri
But he refused—absolutely refused—to sleep on the airport floor.
Across from him, however, Ilya had surrendered to that reality much faster.
or
Shane will not sleep on the dirty airport floor…unless his husband asks nicely cause he’s sad.
Words: 1,529
Shane Hollander is Dating a Nice Man From Montreal! by trickysnail
Shane Hollander has a secret boyfriend, and it’s not Ilya Rozanov. That’s for the best, though, because Shane’s boyfriend is absolutely perfect on paper. He’s also completely on board with the need to keep their relationship out of the press to avoid ruffling any feathers at the MHL commissioner’s office.
There’s only one problem with Shane’s boyfriend. He’s not Ilya Rozanov.
(Canon divergence where Ilya and Shane do separate photo shoots pre-rookie season and never hook up. Somehow. So then Shane has a “normal” dating life.)
Words: 24,741
Finding Papa by KristenWrites_04
Irina Rosanova is wherever souls go before and after life on Earth, and is worried about her son, Ilya, and the trajectory of his life. He parties all the time, but it’s no longer filling the void. He’s becoming more depressed, not accepting the pairing of his soul partner, Shane Hollander, and she feels she needs to intervene. She approaches the Goddess Artemis, in charge of assigning pets to humans, and Anya is selected and begins training to meet her Papa on Earth.
After FINALLY getting to Earth, Anya runs into a challenge, and wonders if her Papa will EVER come get her from the apple farm.
Words: 3,837
Hollanov Support Group(chat) by 7ate9
Svetlana: It’s really everywhere
Hayden: Literally how much lube does one couple need
Rose: Where have you guys found it?
Cassie: Bathrooms, kitchen, living room, garage
Rose: Oh the garage ones!!!
Svetlana: Which ones did you find? The one on the opener or the ones in the toolbox? Or the one on the shelf?
Troy: Garage ones, plural?
***
Or, the friends of Hollanov make a game out of their lube hiding places, and everything spirals from there
Or or, the lube fic
Words: 6,462
Ilya Watches Up for the First Time by bashfulnights
Ilya volunteers to babysit the Pike children. They really want to watch Up. Ilya realizes he probably shouldn’t have.
Words: 1,907
Is Lily oomf? by a_lonely_gals
camilla in ottawa @cami_camisole
OMGGG guys the craziest thing just happened i was in line at the grocery store behind shane mf Hollander (!!!!!) and he was on his phone messages on full display and ig hes got a gf and theyre FREAKYYY?? sorry the pics are a lil blurry but i was trying to be discreet yk
or: Shane and Ilya should have invested in privacy screen protectors. They didn’t, and now the whole world knows about Lily and Jane.
Words: 6,186
The Rhythm of Us by 11_ravenhazeeee_11
“Ilya?” Shane whispered.
“Da, Malysh?”
“Next time… maybe just a card? Or a nice watch?”
Ilya laughed, the sound bright and genuine, and kissed the top of Shane’s head. “We will see. But I think the ‘Pony’ is now a Hollander-Rozanov family tradition. We will have to do it at every anniversary.”
Words: 2,492
Victims of Shane Hollander’s ‘tism rizz (support group for queer hockey players) by strawberriesnoranges
Victims of Shane Hollander’s ‘tism rizz (support group for queer hockey players)
Ilya Rozanov was added to the chat
OR: After coming out to none other than Troy Barrett, Ilya Rozanov, Shane Hollander’s recent fiancé, is added to a group chat full of queer hockey players on the current league. The twist? Almost every single one of them had some interaction with Hollander that made them, at the very least, question things. It goes as well as expected.
Words: 4,131
Dare You Twice by theaftercare
One delayed flight. One closing airport bar. One truth or dare game that gets significantly out of hand.
Ilya Rozanov came to his ex-girlfriend’s wedding to prove he was over it. Shane Hollander came to his best friend’s wedding to prove he was fine. They were both lying, but they didn’t know that about each other yet.
Then they had to share a room.
Words: 82,028
cross your thoughtless heart by PrincessAmericaChavez
“Is that it?” Ilya ask dryly at the exact same time.
“Are you fucking kidding me, Rozanov?” Shane snaps, still feeling his heart in his ears. “Is that not bad enough for you?!”
“Some people burn dolls, some people shoot them,” he has the gall to shrug. “I get threats like that all the time. No big deal.”
“Yeah, well, I get them too, asshole, so I know this isn’t normal. It is a big deal.”
Or:
In the middle of a Montreal vs Boston game a threat against Ilya Rozanov becomes a security concern… and Shane Hollander kinda loses it. Just a little. In his defense, he’s pretty justified to be worried, okay? He is NOT overreacting.
Words: 19,887
NSFW art studies of Shane and Ilya
Words: 0
XOXO, Gossip Goal by georgia_mapledale
Oh hello there, NHL’rs.
SPOTTED: A Heated Rivalry fanfic lover who wants to read a socmed/texting fic that takes place before/during the events of The Long Game.
For years, Gossip Goal has been tracking the increasingly suspicious behavior of NHL superstars Ilya Rozanov and Shane Hollander. The hotel sightings. The loaded glances. The chemistry on the ice. The complete inability of either captain to act normal around the other.
Told through tweets, text messages, emails, and instagram DMs, this is the story of two hockey players accidentally becoming the worst-kept secret in professional sports.
You know you love me.
XOXO, Gossip Goal. 🏒💋
Words: 5,758
Harris: Hi, Shane!
Harris: This is Harris Drover.
Harris: I got your number from Ilya.
Harris: Sorry to bother you, but I had a question.
Harris: I know you’re coming in to sign contracts tomorrow, and I had an idea for a social media thing to announce your signing, if you’d be up for it?
Shane: Oh, yeah, okay.
Shane: I’ll be there, so we can do whatever.
Shane: Always happy to help the team with a little internet humiliation that’ll be around for decades.
Harris: Perfect!
Harris: I promise, I think you’ll really like this, though.
Harris: No humiliation involved.
Harris: The only caveat is, you can’t tell Ilya.
Shane: Okay?
Shane: Why?
Harris: Well.
Harris: Here’s what I’m thinking.
Words: 1,450
The Day Jackie Lost the Twins and Found Shane’s Boyfriend by Barbidoo
Jackie Pike thought traveling to Boston with her husband and four children would be a nice change of pace. She was wrong.
When her twin daughters disappear during an afternoon at the park, panic sets in. Hayden isn’t answering his phone. The children are missing. And Jackie is seconds away from a complete meltdown.
Then Shane Hollander calls. The twins are safe.
Apparently, one of his “friends” found them.
One problem:
Shane’s mysterious friend turns out to be Ilya Rozanov.
Yes, THAT Ilya Rozanov. The loud, chaotic captain of the Boston Bears.
The man Hayden Pike trusts less than airport sushi.
Words: 1,742
Shane Hollander is a (checks leaked texts) freak by Riekawrites
Shane no longer hides that he’s texting with a guy. It is a badly kept secret that he is gay, and all the important people know already (his family, friends, and his team). So he doesn’t delete all the evidence anymore, just the messages that make it clear he is dating Ilya Rozanov.
And now everyone can read his sexts with his boyfriend.
Set somewhere between Shane coming out to his team, before Hayden knows Lily=Ilya, this is a (twitter) reaction fic! (no need to read the first two installments).
OR: Shane Hollander’s sexts and sappy texts with Lily get leaked, twitter reacts.
Words: 8,124
Domesticated: Ilya Rozanov retired partyboy by Riekawrites
Yuna Hollander’s phone gets hacked, and her messages get leaked.
Everybody runs to read her messages with Shane, who she has lovingly saved as Favourite Son.
Words: 8,124
#FuckMarryKillFaceoff by Barbidoo
A harmless #FuckMarryKillFaceoff sweeps Hockey Twitter.
Players, families, and fans join the chaos – until Shane Hollander becomes an option.
Suddenly, Ilya Rozanov stops laughing and starts reminding the entire internet that Shane is already married… to him.
Words: 959
Instead of Shane, it is Ilya who suffers a concussion during the Boston-Montreal game in April 2017. Dazed and agitated, Ilya briefly starts speaking and responding only in Russian and the medics can’t calm him down. Luckily, Shane started studying Russian after Ilya spoke to him in Russian on the phone from Moscow. For no particular reason. Certainly not because he’s fallen in love with Ilya Rozanov.
In Montreal with lingering concussion symptoms, Ilya is advised not to fly home for a few days, and the hospital won’t release him without assurances that he has someone to stay with him until his symptoms improve. Luckily, Shane conveniently has a condo in Montreal no one knows about and a few days before he has to travel again.
But Ilya’s symptoms don’t resolve after a few days. Which is okay; Shane can handle it. He can take care of Ilya, study Russian, lead his team into the playoffs, and keep Ilya’s continued presence in Montreal a secret. He can do everything, no problem. He is Shane Hollander after all.
or
A whump fanfiction that is secretly a fix-it.
Words: 49,003
Full Contact by cjr2
Newly traded to the Ottawa Centaurs, Ilya Rozanov is so close to having everything he’d never thought he was allowed to want. He can see the man he loves more than four times a year, he’s surrounded by a team who supports him through his injury, and Shane’s parents have unhesitatingly accepted him as part of the family.
Except his lingering concussion symptoms have kept him sidelined from hockey, his boyfriend is still two hours away, their schedules are a disaster, and Shane’s team is, well…it’s full of assholes. There must be a way to make this all work out.
or
A sequel to a whump fanfiction with more whump…that is also, secretly, a fix-it.
Words: 50,450
Don’t Think Too Hard by Selective_attention
Daily posts on the Ottawa Centaurs social media. — As of 30 June 32 chapters read.
Words: 67,714
mindforbooks.ie 